The Empowerment of Erotic Dance

I keep in mind as a kid becoming entranced by strippers. How was it that they had such confidence and control that they could sway into a area and remove clothing whilst maintaining their eyes locked on an additional human becoming? It seemed shocking to me that someone could not only show their vulnerability like that but additionally embrace and claim their own sense of power from it. Fast-forward twenty or so years and stripping and erotic dance are everywhere. From films to Pussycat Doll Burlesque to cardio striptease and pole dancing classes at the fitness center. The mainstreaming of erotic dance has occurred and I have to say, it does not make a negative Valentine’s present - not only to your partner but to yourself.


A myth about erotic dance is that it truly is only for the pleasure of our companion. Whilst it does give an chance to connect with our partner in a entire new way, I believe the particular person dancing experiences essentially the most benefit. Mastering to erotic dance can give us a wealth of information about ourselves. Not just sexually, but about our self-esteem, value system, interpersonal abilities and obviously physique image. There are numerous sexually and an emotionally well-adjusted lady out there who’s last Holy Grail is studying to erotic dance. It may give these females an opportunity to take a look at themselves as highly effective erotic beings for the very first time in their lives.

Erotic dance is about having into your personal physique and this can be no tiny feat. Take a look at our day-to-day existences. We mainly function in our heads. Even when we do physical labor we're so disconnected from what our bodies are basically performing that we don't get any real advantage out of it. Receiving into our bodies indicates paying focus to specifically how it feels to move this part or that. Distinctive emotions can live on a cellular level throughout our bodies and so certain movements may perhaps elicit an emotional response. Observing how our thoughts reacts to specific movements is important too. “I’m comfy with hip swaying but not with hip thrusts. Why is that?” Learning to examine our responses towards the encounter is essential. Are you still feeling lonely because of lack of partner? Don’t worry, dildos can help you solve this problem and even you the stronger feeling than the real man.

Taking time with ourselves, generating a attractive environment then watching ourselves move within a mirror is often a fantastic strategy to begin. Journaling about these experiences can give us insight. An excellent solution to graduate from watching oneself within the mirror could be to then attempt a DVD in your personal and then moving to a live class. Some girls need to surprise their companion with their moves, while other folks can use their companion as apart with the procedure to practice connecting. Perhaps starting somewhat at a time instead of feeling pressured to do a complete routine. As an example, decide to take 1 moment for the duration of the day to produce a movement that helps you feel erotically empowered. Your partner walks within the door, you make a decision to go suitable up to him or her and wrap one particular leg around the back of their legs as you kiss them gently. Are you able to picture how that must energetically modify the mood within a room? And it was all your undertaking. Many people are pursuing double stimulation. They wonder a double sided dildo to fill their ass and vagina at the same time.

Some females are intimidated by the truth that erotic dancing is performance oriented - “Don’t I have to be excellent?” What they do not comprehend is the fact that a lot additional is conveyed and I think seasoned by the dancer if they're connected to themselves emotionally, really being in their bodies in the moment. The ideal “performances” I’ve seen will not be these with the most acrobatic moves but those that look one of the most genuine, that genuinely come in the soul with the lady.

Using erotic dance as a tool to create sexual excitement and please your partner is good but employing it to obtain to understand your self and get comfortable with apart of yourself which you have already been denying is magnificent. It is funny but the far more women I see going trough this transformation, the more I understand just how much of it they energetically carry into the rest of their lives. Consider walking into a space understanding you may command every person there with just your energy. Now that’s empowerment.

Work, Circadian Rhythms, and Sex Drive

I just finished my second week at a new job (though it won’t feel official until my first paycheck next Friday, when I can finally stop living off my savings).  My job is 25 freeway miles away from my house, so I have to get up pretty early in order to be there by eight.  This has had several ripple effects in my sleep pattern and my sex drive, and also gotten me thinking a lot more about the BF’s sleep pattern and his sex drive, and I’m starting to realize just how huge a deal these sorts of things can become.


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I have what most doctors would probably consider a “normal” circadian rhythm.  If left to my own devices (that is, when I’m not required to get up at a particular time the next day) I will probably get tired and go to bed by 11:30.  Sometimes it’s a little earlier, sometimes a little later.  I will wake up on my own generally by 9, though if I’m woken up at 8 (which happened when I wasn’t working because that’s when the BF left for work) then I will usually just get up.  If there’s something fun going on (a party, a night out at a club/bar, a night of hot sex with the BF), I can stay up quite late, but I can’t sleep in much past 10–sometimes 11 if I wear a sleep mask once it’s light outside.

Now that I’m working, I have to get up by 6 in order to leave by 7:15 and get to work at 8 (once the semester starts and students are parking on campus, I will probably have to get up between 5:30 and 5:45).  Accordingly, my clock has readjusted within the first two weeks of this job.  I start to think longingly of bed around 9:30 and usually go lay down around 10, although I usually read a book for about half an hour to an hour after that.

What This Has to Do With My Sex Drive

When I was unemployed this summer, I would have told you that the minimum number of times I wanted to have sex was 4 times per week, ideally on four different days.  In an ideal world I’d have sex twice on each of those four days for a total of 8 times.  I also prefer morning sex because no matter what time I go to bed, it’s because I’m exhausted, and tougher to get “in the mood” (though not impossible).

Now I’m going to bed just as exhausted but much earlier, and waking up just as exhausted because it’s so early (though I usually shake it off within half an hour–and that’s without coffee, so be impressed).  So during the week it is much harder to imagine having sex.  Again, not impossible, but I’d really have to decide to have sex and then get myself in the mood as opposed to already being in the mood and deciding to have sex.

However, I maintain that my minimum number of times per week is 4, which means that I want to try and get those 4 times in between Friday night and Sunday night.  And my ideal 8 has become el dorado because, while it might happen sometimes, it’s unlikely that I’d have sex 8 times over 2.5 days every single weekend.

The BF’s Circadian Rhythm

I have long been aware that the BF has anything but a “normal” circadian rhythm.  I have known since our first date that he was an “insomniac,” though it didn’t matter so much when we were both in school because he could grab sleep during odd hours and still be functional at what are generally considered “normal” times.  However, about a year ago when he started working it seemed to me that it was taking him longer than normal to adjust to getting up early.  He started with the goal of being to work by 8 and it wasn’t workable at all for him, and even a year later he struggles to get in before 9.  Like, really struggles.  He didn’t get in until almost 10 today.

I was researching this online and discovered that he has something called delayed sleep phase syndrome, which is a type of circadian rhythm sleep disorder.  Basically what this means is that he’s not an “insomniac” because his body craves a “normal” amount of sleep; however, his internal body clock is not set to the times that the majority of people sleep.  If left to his own devices, he’d stay up until 4 or 6 a.m. and sleep until noon or 2 p.m.  Unfortunately it is little known and often misdiagnosed; additionally, it is not only “incurable” but not even able to be treated effectively.  Despite getting up at 6:30 or so on the weekdays, he doesn’t get tired until at least 2 a.m. each weeknight–and he still has to take sleeping pills every night to get to bed at that time.

The BF’s Sex Drive

When we first started dating it seemed apparent to me that the BF and I had very similar and compatible sex drives (by which I mean desired frequency), which is half the battle (the other half being chemistry and compatibility when you’re actually having sex).  However, while I still believe that’s the case, now that we both have “regular” jobs the differences in our sleep patterns have really begun to interfere with that.

During the week, I go lay down around 10 or 10:30 while he doesn’t come upstairs until after midnight and sometimes later.  Because he’s so sleep deprived during the week (after getting significantly less than 6 hours per night for 5 days), he reverts to his “preferred” sleep schedule on the weekend.  Right now, even if I go to bed at 1 a.m. that means he doesn’t go to bed until 5 hours later, and when I wake up around 10 (and often earlier), he’s not even going to be conscious until 1 or 2.  So we’re never actually both awake in the bed at the same time.

This leaves only daytime sex, which, while fabulous, isn’t always feasible because the weekend is also really our only time to run errands or hang out with friends.  And it certainly hasn’t been adding up to my ideal, and quite frankly not even my minimum.  I am starting to feel the lack a little.

The Big Questions

The question, of course, is what can be done about this?  There’s not much I can do to avoid being tired much sooner than he is at night, whether we’re talking the weekday or the weekend.  I’m trying to think of some creative ways to work some more sex into our week in a way that won’t seem forced or a chore for either of us, and could really use any suggestions that you all have.  There are some things that I’ve tried (shaking things up a bit with the digital camera and the outdoor sex, for example), but I would appreciate any advice or insight you all have to offer.

So what have you got?